Saturday, 10 April 2010

• Wobbly Knees

  People who know me, think I'm confident , funny and smart enough not to fall for any stupid crap that guys now a days do. I'm a flirt, yes I'm guilty of that. But who isn't? One of my best friends who happens to be a guy is just like me, [but with girls] and has been used to get someone else jealous. If it hasn't happened to you, or if you've done it to someone else...know it hurts. A lot more than it should. Every one says we're perfect for each other...lets call him *Jon. He's amazing and I know he'll be loyal, but he's 4 years older than me,it's not a problem with me but I'm younger then a lot of the people blogging. Also, Jon knows every bad thing about me, every guy thats hurt me, every bad thing I've done and still cares for me.
  
  Anyywayys..
  
  I'm not wanting to be with him because he's a great friend and I don't want to risk the friendship. I've sunk into risking them in the past and sadly I'm regretting them. Life's to short to regret anything in my opinion. But heres a twist, I use to go out with his brother, and nothing bad happened leading up to the break up. We where just to busy to see each other, it was only fair. Lets call the brother *Carlos, plus he's only a year older than me. Carlos and I have only recently started to hang out again, and flirting has started up again.I've known for the same amount of time and he gave me my first kiss, but he kinda vanished from my life. And because I flirt with him and have a crush on him..I don't wanna tell him the bad things I've done or cry in front of him. I mean Jon...he came over at 12 at night to hold me while I cried...
  
  But I'm scared of commitment, I always has been. I've scared in putting everything into something and then having it crumble from under me just like every other commitment i've made. But I care for him so much, I'm afraid to get hurt. In the end I have to think of me, but I want to have a partner in my life. I'm confident, I'm strong, I'm an independent thinker but when it comes to a relationship I crumble. I think I'm afraid of the intimacy, I haven't even done much kissing because I can say no and take control. And then even thinking of what happens after kissing...just gives me goose bumps.
  
  
  
  
  What do you think I should do? Go with Jon or Carlos? How can I get rid of my wobbly knees? What about my kissing phobia? How can I mend my heart that keeps getting broken?
  
  
  
  

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• Hi everyone! I'm just getting started on Datingish... Drop me a comment if you've got some ideas on what to do first - or just to say, "Hi!"

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